Judgements

I don’t know if I was judged at all before I got married. Maybe I was, but I always heard only good thing. Hence it didn’t matter I presume

I got married one day. N it slowly started to sink in. The world judges you all the fuckin time.

Do you have a house?

How big is it?

Is it well kept?

Do you fight?

Do you look like you are in love?

How long since you are married? Arranged or love?

Do you have kids?

When did you have kids? So soon? So late?

C section or normal?

What does your baby weigh?

Fair or dark?

Good looking or not?

Milestones?

Breast feed or no?

Milestones? Not yet crawling?? Mine does.

Already on solids?

Well behaved or no?

Are you stay at home? Why?

Are you working? How can u do that?

No second house? Why second house? Enjoy life instead

Too frivolous. Invest instead.

Not having a second one kid? Why second?

And from 26 to 31 – I came across one or more of these.

From 0 to 25 I never ever felt judged. Either I was perfect (socially) or I didn’t care or I never heard them.

What about now?

A lot of them have tugged at me.

A lot of them I haven’t given a damn about.

And I want to not give a damn about any that are in store to come.

So what are those that didn’t affect me?

The ones I was confident about.

The ones that I would never choose any other way.

The ones I did because I truly wanted to.

There were some I learnt o give a damn about

My house keeping skills and cooking!!! Legendary. But hurt me at the beginning. I have grown up in a society where girls are expected to be able to do that. I never thought I would not be able to.

I was taken aback!! And How!!

I rewired myself. I went from trying too hard to be too rebellious.

Neither worked.

I stepped back accepted myself. This is who I am. But it is my life and my home. I have a certain responsibility towards it. I assumed that responsibility and gave it my best. Not the best the world expected out of a girl.

That worked. Worked like a charm.

Now I am a parent.

If I thought married girls were judged the worse. I didn’t see this coming. Parents are judged the most. They are judged even beyond the 4 walls of their homes.

But my initial rewiring worked.

Its like when you have to stand on one feet, you shake a bit. But you gain your balance.

I still shake a bit. I still drop the other leg. But I give a damn.

I am happy with the minutes that I can stand steady on one leg.

I have faith in myself.

Faith in myself.
That worked. That works.

(Now I am labeled selfish, stone and so on and so forth.. who cares?)

The quotes on judgement are too judgemental.