Meter-o-logy

Just imagine if were born with the following measuring instruments kinda things suck to the forehead or any other body part.
((These are the definition given in Raji’s dictionary)

Feel-o-meter: An instrument for measuring, how what you are really feeling for the person you are talking to.

The units: Love, like, buzz-off, i-so-wanna-kill-you, neutral, added-to-my-crush-list, lusting-you, respect, impressed.

The meter flashes the words on the forehead. This can be a great energy saver and could very much make the heavens crowded. People would not lie and will not have to pretend about what they feel about each other. This could really spell Disaster too.

Jerk-o-meter: An instrument that displays the percentage of jerkiness running within you. The synonym for this is: ass-hole-o-meter.

Pleasure-o-meter: An instrument for measuring how satisfied you are after you-know-what ;). Displays only after the act is over. Lol

Units: Satisfied, want-more, Duh!! , i-will-have-to-do-it-myself, ecstatic.

Can kinda be a revelation! You are feeling like ohh-wow and you look at your partner and the meter flashes “Duh..” Freaky huh! Maybe it will affect the egos a lot and people might take efforts and not be complacent. It might save a few relations ;)

Look-o-meter: An instrument that displays what you feel, when somebody asks “How is this or How do I Look”. It also has a detector that displays what you feel when you are giving a false compliment.

Units: Hot, gorgeous, eeks, horrible,,, (you know the words)

Frustrate-o-meter: An instrument that display your level of frustration.

Units: range from 0 to back-off.

Will save a lot of energy, expended during shouting at others. And others would know what to expect.

Cheat-o-meter: An instrument that displays when one is cheating on their partner. Units: Simple flashes a red light. It would be quite a scene to see people walking around with a bright red light flashing. Haa!!!

Single-o-meter: An instrument that displays the current status.

Units: Single, Committed

Will preserve a lot of energy expended by people devising plan to hook up with someone, finally coming to know that they are committed. Will save quite a few heartbreaks. And might put the cheat-o-meter out of use.

If GOD reads, and SHE likes my design, maybe someday kids will be born with similar meters. (I personally recommend Pleasure-o-meter and feel-o-meter) Imagining it in reality, I am not sure how much fun it would be or will it spell disaster. But since it’s a fragment of my imagination, sounds kinda cool. (maybe my imagination sounds dumb...but I am loving it)

There is an inverse relationship between how good something is for you, and how much fun it is.

Tashan

Tashan for me is personified by:

Anshu Mordia:
For a bony geeky kid (any guesses who??.. Bingo..thats me), Anshu Mordia was Tashan personified. I studied in one of the most happening schools in my town. People came in their BEST. Among the entire population around me, that female left a mark on my mind and on my tastes. Me and Neha, her younger sis, used to sit around her all the time when she got up to get ready. Anshu Mordia getting ready created the same kind of sparks that a festivity would create in the house. Like a festival involves everybody in the house, her me-getting-ready time was an involvement for everyone. But what an end result! Breath taking to be precise.
Her taste for everything was absolutely perfect, magnificent and eye catching. Her style and taste are deeply etched into my mind. Although I am one of those lazy people who can never take an extra effort for style and I drift more towards tom boyishness, but I know I have taste and that too a good one. Thanks to Anshu.

Pashmin Shah:
Tashan at its very best. Well another sister, of my best friend Sejal (I guess I have a thing for elder sisters). This women’s got class and she has that whacky touch to her. For me she reflects the girl who can be as sporty as she wants and as serene as she desires. A girl with ambition , dreams and energy. She radiates energy. She has innate style.

These two women I salute, not for the clothes they wear or their tastes. But, for the confidence that is apparent.
I may not know these people as a good friend would do. But they both live life like they have always wanted. Women, who have a mind of their own. A strength they exude which is amiss in most of the women.
They are the powerful women for me.
They are women who know how to LIVE life. Independence being a primary ethos.
Women who can be great daughters, marvelous sisters, maintain all relations without compromising on their desires.
Women, who are fun.

They are the women, who live life QUEEN Size.

Well the whole post may portray them as old women, naah naah… girls my age.
And total sweethearts.

Being a lady is an attitude. ~Chuck Woolery, Love Connection

MathsLexia...

Once upon a time every child that was born was to be sent to a kingdom called “Studies”.
The truth being that the parents were given an irresistible offer of a healthy life after the visit to Studies.

So, a petite child of 3 yrs, Raji, was sent away everyday to “Studies”. But the kingdom had an underlying rule. Every person who came to Studies had to visit every princely state under its jurisdiction.

So, Raji first walked into the state named “English”. She immediately fell in love with the people there. There were only 26 people. They all mingled with each other to form different groups. Those 26 people immediately registered in Raji’s mind, so she never had a problem understanding what each group meant. All the 26 people pampered Raji. They followed only two traditions, “Grammar” and “Vocabulary”. Which she started to understand well.

One windy afternoon Raji was summoned to visit a far princely state called “MathsLand”. Excited about getting to know more people and traditions she packed her bag and marched into MathsLand. For the first time she was excited because there she met only ten people. Funny people they were, as they spoke a language other than that from in English. But being a dedicated girl she tried to understand their language. During her first visits she was introduced to only 4 customs, addition, subtraction, multiplication and division. She happily learnt about them.

But the truth was however hard she tried; she could not comprehend their language.
She smelled trouble one fine day. A new clan of 9 people had come to live in Mathsland. The trouble was they looked exactly the same as the original 9 people but had exactly opposite traits. She kept getting confused as to who was who The clan called itself “negative numbers”. They spoke a slightly different language than the positive clan. This was when Raji realized that it was going to spell doom for her.

The inclusion of the new people led to many changes in the 4 traditions to accommodate the traits of negative clan. Raji was left dumbfounded. She began attending carefully all the traditions. But when people of the opposite clan came together in one, she started getting confused. That was the start of Raji’s woes in Mathsland.

The “numbers”, as the people fondly called themselves, believed in innovation. Raji found it difficult to keep up with them. They kept introducing her to new clans. She met clan called brackets.

The different clans led to casteism. In order to survive she had to keep in mind the order of importance of every caste before performing any tradition. Brackets enjoyed the highest priority. Gradually Raji started loosing interest.
Visitng English land was her get away to happiness. But she had to keep coming back to Mathsland.

Every time she revisited they would have introduced another new custom, which she had to adhere too. She had to follow algebra, arithmetic, and geometry. She believed in Geometry a lot. But all other customs were imposed upon her. Arithmacy was the worse. It had too many rituals that she could not comprehend. Speed, time, distance, work, people, percentage etc.
Sobbing in her bed, she decided to stop visiting MathsLand. But she was struck with horror when she read the fine print in the pact with Studies, she would never be able to leave Studies till she was aware of all the customs in every princely state.

For 22 years she was tormented, tortured whenever she visited MathsLand. But she dragged along to serve the pact with Studies.
The impact was so horrendous that the petite girl always remained that way. Petite!
The sun rose and happiness bloomed one beautiful morning when the pact was coming to an end.
She had enjoyed her stay in Studies though. Although Mathsland tortured her but all other states treated her with care and love.
She was tempted by an offer from Studies that by serving Studies for another few years she could live a more happy life.
For a few days she gave in to the temptation. But then the fear of MathsLand was so deeply etched in her mind that she never came to terms with extending the pact.

2005 was the end of that pact.
Raji lived happily everafter.

After watching TZP happy realization struck me – I might have (or rather I still possibly) suffer from Mathslexia!!! (yeah! I made up the word)

Arithmetic is where numbers fly like pigeons in and out of your head. ~Carl Sandburg,

As A Kid...

-- AS A Kid(AAK) I wondered how actors in songs changed into clothes so fast… I believed they had layers of clothes inside and that when they show flowers or scenery is when they change (thank god Raji was not making movies... Imagine the plight of actors…. Layers of clothes!!!)

-- AAK I liked to drape in mum’s saari (now, finding me even in a salwar kurta is difficult). Then I didn’t know how to fold them properly so I would dump them for washing and be happy that mum never found out about my fetish. (But hey she knew about it from saari 1. Good Lord!!! She recently scolded me that I was better a “girl” as a kid rather than now. She left me dumbfounded. Mum’s know everything I guess)

-AAK I was crazy about ice-cream (pretty normal, huh!!). Once we got 2 chocolate family packs (yummy). One was kept for my younger brother and one for me. To avoid any confusion we placed the two packs in such a way that the one on top was mine. Being greedy smarty-pants, I used to eat mine and steal a spoonful from my brothers. Very recently I giggled about this with Vicky (my bro). He laughed his head off. He used to steal from mine, gobble up a lot from his and then exchange it with mine when mine was more. (What a rip off!!! That 9-yr-younger turned out smarter)

-- AAK summers were not really on my favorite list (even after a decade it has not made way into my list). I had a deep found liking for academics (after a decade this liking promptly walked out on me… ditcher!!!). So, during study times if the electricity decided to vanish, and the temperatures began to sore, I would walk into the bathroom with my books and a chair. Fill the tub (not a bath tub per say, the wide buckets would be precise) with water and sit inside it. Raise my legs on to the chair and hold the book in my hand. That way I could beat the heat and study coolly. (As a grown up, if I had held on to half the dedication I probably would have been…. (well…no clue what)) lol.

-- AAK I kinda walked on the paths of Sweety from Hum Paanch (she used to sing before opening doors). The moment the bell rang I would crawl under the bed in the hall and keep hoping to have guests (I loved guests then… weird weird). When my wish was granted I would creep in and tickle the feet of whoever it was. Whoa!!! They would be scared to their wits ends!!! And jump of the bed. Lol. I would be in splits. My mum joined me in my prank, but only when relatives or close friends visited. It was quite a treat for me. But had to give it up soon as everybody got used to it. As they say, “khushiyan do pal ki mehman hai” (drama queen)

-- AAK I had a wild beast taking care of me. Well it was a maid my mum had hired. Creeps!!! I was one scared child then. She used to tie me up and put soap in my eyes. She used to drop me in the water drum, when it had water left till my waist, She never drowned me though, how lucky could I be!!! All this torture if I negated to have food. (How about making Psycho Part 3???). I was blackmailed at such a ripe age that if I told mum she would again put me in the drum. Yeah, I know, had I told mum she would have fired her. But I guess my common sense had drowned in the drum (I never got it back…) then one day, her marriage was fixed and she left. How I love marriages since a child!!! Lol. Later, I revealed all the dark things and mum was shocked. Since then, no maids in our house. Hurray!!!

-- AAK I was scared to tears by the sound of the pressure cooker (What a Phattu Girl). The instant the realization striked that the cooker was on its way to whistle, I used to run out of the house and wouldn’t come back till it was done. The fear moved on I must confess. But I still ponder why did a whistle spook me?

-- AAK I hated to wear pants or shorts (have you anything else in your wardrobe anymore, girl?). Once while visiting my aunt I planned to stay over. As destiny had planned it I was not carrying my cute-girl-dresses. So my aunt dressed me up in my cousins’ shorts and t-shirt. And that day hell broke loose!!! What I pandemonium I created. But my dress was out for washing. I covered up myself in a blanket and wouldn’t come out of it the whole day.!!! Lord I was such a nut!!! (some things I presume...Don’t change…Lol)

There are no seven wonders of the world in the eyes of a child. There are seven million. ~Walt Streightiff

KRA zee zee Y (Crazy)

***Anything For Love***
This is the ultimate example of my love for Shahid Kapur and the heights of imagination.
*** Ready-steady-imagine ***


1. I will enroll into Shaiamak Dawar’s dance classes. Soon. I will be spotted as the “wow” dancer (its just imagination..so do not smirk). One day Shiamak himself will come to the class and spot me (wild wild dreams). Soon I will be among his few lead dancers (along with being employed with my current firm and being paid form both ends.). For, this one particular show, where obviously Shahid dances, we would be the dancers. But as GOD (or maybe I) would want it, the girl supposed to dance with Shahid will sprain her leg (Poor poor her). Then Shiamak would come running to me to take her place, which I would graciously accept as a sincere student and not out of craze for Shahid Kapur ( whom are you kidding girl). The moment we start dancing together Shahid would look into my eyes and fall in love with me as if we were meant to be together, forever. But with the hustle bustle backstage we leave. Unable to stop thinking about me, he checks out my whereabouts with Shiamak(ofcourse).

*** To reach the last scene I have imagined a few ways. The last though remains the same. So, the last scene at the end***

2. Me with a few friends would start our own restaurant business. (at least sounds more reasonable than being the lead in Shaimak’s group). And as destiny would have it, the restaurant would be a hit and visited by the crème-de-la-crème. (shahid obviously falling into that category). Once when he visits Pune, he would decide to come to dine at our restaurant (I am already getting goose bumps.. Shy). As a responsible person (responsible and you?.. hahhahah) I would obviously go to check out if our guest is having a good time and during our formal but pleasant conversation Shahid would be blown over by me (yeah who else… Creep). Unable to stop thinking about me, he would call the restaurant the next day and get my whereabouts.

3. For some weird reason (tell me something I don’t know… you are weird girl), I would move to Bombay (that’s weird coz I am, again, for some weird reason not interested in going to Bombay). Again, for some weird reason my organization would have free memberships for its employees in the Gym, where obviously Shahid works out (now I get the point of all the weird reasons). Hip Hip Hurray! And again for some weird reason we would be at the Gym at the same time. For another weird reason one fine day all the trainers decide to bunk (yeah ..that’s weird too). And me, this innocent novice at workouts, would be wondering what to do, when for some weird reason, Shahid would approach me and help me with working out. Then he obviously would be blown over by me (that’s for obvious reasons… not weird). Then again for some weird reason I move back to Pune the next day. Unable to stop thinking about me, he would check out my whereabouts from the Gym, (which now obviously has my details)

4. (The least my imagination has run is with this). For our organization’s annual day function, the guest of honor would be Shahid Kapur. As the stars(of the sky) would have planned it, I would be nominated for an award, which I would obviously win and would receive from Shahid (eyes rolling). Then we would have a party with all the winners and Shahid (my dil goes mmm). And after having a nice chat, he would (the best part) be blown over by me (blown over by me? it sounds so easy. hahah). . Unable to stop thinking about me, he would call up the organizers the next day and check out my whereabouts.

5. (This one would sound like I have gone bonkers) Shahid has recurring dreams about his last life, where he and his sweetheart were not able to have a life together.(Ye Zaalim duniya ki reet). (that dreams the reason why Kareena and he broke off finally.. yeah.. now we get the reason). In his dreams, the first time he saw his sweetheart would be in a temple (cliché at its best). The girl clad in a blue salwar kurta with the dupatta on her head, heading down from the stairs. He is standing at the foot of the temple. She is walking down the stairs. At God.s will the wind blows and take her dupatta with it. The dupatta lands on him. (Creep. Raji cant get any worse). He turns to look and his eyes rest on her. Its love at first sight. That was the past life. In this life, the girl’s in a blue denim and tshirt, with a scraf on her head (yeah that’s me). The GOD’s will is again at work taking the white scarf with it. Then history repeats and its love at first sight. Plus it is an answer to his dreams. The girl of his dreams (just a little modernized). As I walk past, my office ID card falls off (nothing unusual there... I am that clumsy). . Unable to stop thinking about me, he would call up my firm and check out my whereabouts.

Phew!!! That’s quite a few ways to reach Shahid. I sincerely pray to the Lord that the “Law of Attraction” works.

Last Scene: (Assumption: he knows all about me now)
From then on, everyday that I reach office there is a big bouquet waiting for me, from anonymous (adding the mystery angle to hypothetical scenes... lol). This goes on for a week. Then one Monday morning as I walk towards my work place, I see a lot of people gathered. A crowd, basically. The moment I walk towards the crowd, they make way for me. The whole reception is decorated with flowers. My photos running through all the LCD’s in the reception. As I stand there amazed, Shahid walks towards me (he is wearing the outfit he wore in Mauja Hi Mauja… mush-mush). I am spell bound (obviouslyyyyyyyyy). He walks up to me, bends down and proposes me (even writing this makes me wanna jump up and down……..aaaaaaaaaaa shout). I nod in affirmative. He picks me up and we run away to living happily ever after. (let the lord bless my dreams)

(well I might as well have added this in the “Day Dreams” post. Giggle)

First you build your castles in the air, then you build the foundations under them.” - Henry David Thoreau
(my castle is ready… there is no raw material available to build a foundation beneath this crazy castle.. lol)

Day Dreams

I step out and pull on the robe of anything I want to be.
Painting a picture of all that my heart fantasizes.
I crown myself the beautiful princess in the white robe,
Whom the knight pulls on his horse galloping away to the faraway land.

I put on my dancing shoes with the cute pink dress.
Like a graceful ballerina I dance to my hearts content.
The stage is exuberant with every move I make.
My body swaying to the music like I own the world.

That VJ takes me to the land of MTV or channel V,
Where I am the coolest hippest girl, yapping all the way.
The Miss. India fits me into her flowing gown, where
I am ready with prompt repartee, people applauding for me.
The stunning actress pulls me into the most dramatic scene,
I play the part with panache and drama right away

I paint my own pictures, I sing my own songs
I come back to my world where I am my parent’s princess;
Waiting for my knight in shining armor.
I dance my heart out to all the music that plays.
I yapp away with my friends who believe I am cool.
I try to rack my brains for the wittiest response;
Sometimes its bulls eye sometimes I am such a fool.
The actress in me keeps dramatizing the way I speak,
Sometimes with hands and sometimes it’s the face.

Day dreams, painting 1000 colors with one stroke.
Day dreams, singing the same song with a different tune.
Day dreams, dancing to the same number with different moves.
Day dreams, a playground for the imagination to run wild.
Day dreams, a solace in boring lectures and meetings.

All religions will pass, but this will remain: simply sitting in a chair and looking in the distance. ~V.V. Rozanov

Cheers to LOVE ....

Living in a long distance is not easy for them either. She remains more concerned with the fact that he has to live alone. He, always the shy person. She, a non-stop chatterbox. Both, totally in love with each other.

The distance never got between them. Every now and then he picks up the phone and dials his sweetheart. She follows the ritual too. By the end of the day calling each other at least 10-15 times a day. Phew!!! I guess they are a weird couple. Not the long lasting conversations but the small tit bits. But that is the substitute for not being able to see each other every single day. Let me clear a fact here. Even when they were not distanced they called each other at least 5 times a day. Of all the humongous number of calls that they made, by the time they dozed off at least one “I Love You” has to be exchanged. No exception there.

He suffers form motion sickness to a very large extent. But even when he has a single holiday he rushes where his heart is. Traveling 3 hrs by bus to just watch that gorgeous face. That face which makes his heart still skip a beat. For you and me 3 hrs wouldn’t be a big deal. But when he reaches the doorstep all he does is fall down into the bed and relax. All this for being able to be with her.

It’s a Sunday morning; she as usual wakes up to her morning ablutions and is now in the kitchen preparing a healthy breakfast for her love, who she for some weird reason believes always comes from a place where there is draught. Coz the whole day, if she is not smothering him with love then she is filling him with food. Aaah!!!

The sleepy eyed man wakes up and rushes off to the kitchen, tip toes in there grabs her from behind and pecks her. And what a triumphant look he has in his eyes. Depending on her moods she plays her reaction. On a joyfully naughty mood she will push him aside and will act pricey. With the spoon or knife whichever she holds in her hands she will growl at him and ask him to keep his hands to himself. He being accustomed to this will just pull her towards him once more. She wanting exactly the same. And both burst into a fit of laughter.(What’s so funny I don’t understand.)

The whole day she will fuss about him.

In the evening they just sit besides each other with the cup of tea and watching nothing and everything on TV. Even when that’s all they are doing you could sometimes catch him playing with her hair. Or just curling his finger through her finger. (A plain act which synonyms to their feelings for each other.)

On their anniversary, they still surprise each other. A gift both will never forget. They totally love what the other person gets for them. Although very aware that they get it every time for each other, even then their faces light up when they see the gifts. (Children I tell you!!!)
He still takes her out for dinners (read date). But from the time he moved to a new place she will feed him only home made goodies (I told you she believes he lives in a draught place)

The totally amazing part being they don’t fight. They just don’t fight. The routine complaints of girls “He doesn’t call. He doesn’t message. He doesn’t pay attention”. No Chance. Well he doesn’t give her that opportunity. He loves adoring her. She loves taking care of him. They totally understand each other’s moods. They know when to leave alone or when to give a hug. They respect each other’s individuality and space. And they totally love each other too.

They have been living in a long distance for the past 5 years now. But still going strong. They love each other for the past 26 years. Yes that’s the time they have spent. The romance still steady like a couple just fallen in love.
Cheers to Mom n Dad!!!

I have debates with friends who think that love is crap. Marriage a pain or whatever words they can use it to abuse it.
But I still believe. How couldn’t I? The 2 people who have influenced me the most are so much in love, so romantic. And they never ever fight (that’s something I still don’t get). There is no way I am going to believe those people who haven’t been in love, let alone marriage.

Love you mom n dad.
Kuddos to Love…

True love cannot be found where it truly does not exist, Nor can it be hidden where it truly does.