Monday, January 12, 2015



All I have an urge to do is pen down. I want to pen down every thought that crosses my mind. It is crazy the amount of processing our brains do. It is so powerful. Our thought our ability to process it.
I am pondering about emotional reactions. Different situations bring out myriad reactions in people.
What touches me to core? 

Molestation: It tugs at something very deep down inside. I am not sure if every female has the same intense reaction to it. I know everybody is against it. I have this sinking feeling every time I hear about it. I feel like I can cry when I read or hear about it. It twists something inside and I want to forget. 

Yes, as a kid /teen / women, I have been molested. I never had to face the trauma of what other women/kids had to go through. I have this urge to run away from that news. I have this urge to run to that women and just wipe off that pain. Because I think it would be worse than how I feel about it. It would be unimaginable. 

Every time someone has made a pass it nailed something inside me. The first time I was ever molested was when I was 10. Yes 10. It is not something that has started to happen today. That is how it has been. It never stopped. All public places gave men an opportunity to make a pass.
Someone might argue it is a norm. Yeah everyone gets made a pass at sometimes. But as a 10 year old, as a kid as a teen, I felt sickened every time it had happened. One more nail hit in. All that has touched some part in which is still sore, which still hurts when I see or hear someone else going through it.

It hurts. It makes me cry. It stirs turbulence inside me.

1 comment:

Pallavi Utagi said...

wow. Had missed reading this one.
but I know exactly how you feel.
Really.
it is a pain + anger feeling, very different that I have felt for anything else.
it is my single biggest fear also when it comes to kids, mine and others'.
it is just so perverse and twisted that it hits something very deep inside.
as you said, nails it.